The Queen of Clarity



There are so many reasons to visit Byron Katie's website to learn more about this phenomenal teacher and her programs. Here are ten of them.

1. You will find a way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve inner peace no matter what is going on around you. [very big claim -- don't believe me. try it instead.]

2. She presents a super easy to learn process called "The Work" that teaches you to challenge the made up stories in your head.

3. You can watch other people try out The Work through her videos. [See the magic happen in real time.]

4. You get free downloads of the worksheets to try all this goodness out for yourself!

5. It beats anything else on your to-do list, and it feels incredibly good once you try it.

6. You will learn how to do a "turnaround." It is a fast track to self-realization that will quite literally change your mind.

7. Experience the truth that nothing outside you can ever give you what you're looking for. No, not a new job, not a boyfriend, not a dog, not losing 10 pounds, not even unconditional love from that person (without naming names) who is extraordinarily judgmental. 

8. Apply this new form of  inquiry on your relationships, attitudes about work and money, self-judgement, your belief system, fear and anxiety. Begin to feel a whole lot better.

9. Get in touch with Point Be Coaching and set up an appointment to practice all you have learned about The Work! We use this ground breaking process as a central part of our coaching approach.

10. The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is. Get started now. You are SO worth it!!

For more on Byron Katie:

Amazon Page - Books, CD's, etc. 

Huffington Post article

Los Angeles Magazine article



What is real love?

I have enjoyed reading, "Everything Happens for a Reason" by the talented writer and therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum. This book is about finding the true meaning of events in our lives, even when they seem catastrophically bad. She answers the question, "What if that difficult event or lifelong struggle is actually a gift to be welcomed?"

While this book is a treasure trove of ideas, I particularly enjoyed her chapter titled, "Real life, real love." In honor of Mira and her beautiful explanation of real love, I designed this poster listing her descriptions of what real love is about. If you are in a romantic relationship or on the other side of a relationship that went south, you might find these insights eye opening. I know I did. Get in touch if you want a .jpg file of this poster to print in high resolution/full size. I would be happy to send you a copy :-)

What is real love?

Real love is not just how you feel about your partner. It’s much more how your partner makes you feel about yourself.

Real love is not about losing yourself in your partner. It’s about becoming true to yourself with your partner.

Real love is not about how great your partner is. It’s about how great you can become alongside your partner.

Real love is not just about how much you love your partner. It’s about how your partner helps you love yourself.

Real love is not just about your partner finding room in his or her heart for you. It’s about your partner finding room in his or her life for your passions, interests, and needs.

Real love is not just based on how good your partner is “deep down.” It’s based on how much you actually experience your partner’s goodness as you live your life together.

Real love is not based on how your partner makes you hungry to be with him or her. It’s based on how much your partner makes you feel at home when you are with each other.

Real love is not about the love you say you share. It’s about the life you really do share, fully, equally, deeply. 

Real love is about treating your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

You deserve real love.

It's all my fault. Everything sucks. Nothing's going to change.

Liz sat in my office wondering aloud how the hell she made such a mess out of her life. She thought back on the last few years, and decided the dark clouds hanging over her were so thick they might never clear. With tears in her eyes, she explained that her big problems were all her fault. She couldn't think of one damn thing in her life that felt like it was going well. Her Dad was sick and there wasn't anything she could do about that and yet she thought she should be helping somehow. Her boyfriend just dumped her, and now she felt all alone. Liz was pretty sure he left because she couldn't commit to his dreams of buying a house together. Worse, she still didn't have a job after looking for months. Oh yeah, there was also the 10 pounds that weren't there a few months back. With her shoulders slumped and voice trembling, Liz admitted, "It's really all my fault I'm in this situation, and now it's too late to turn things around. My life is a shambles."

Coaches are very good at asking questions that shift habitual and stress producing thinking. During our session I asked Liz three questions that helped to expose the "story" she was telling that created much pain and suffering for her. I asked, "Why are all these events exclusively your fault?" "Is absolutely everything in your life a shambles?" and "Why do you think this situation is permanent?" Prompted by me, Liz thought of many examples of things that were going right in her life, and how some events that seemed bad at first were actually good opportunities. I wrote these things down, and asked Liz to tell a new story based on her insights. It went like this...

"Right now, I am experiencing a time of big change. My old job ended but that's good, because I have a chance to find a new job and do what I enjoy. My relationship with Peter is over, and I don't know why he ended it. I do know we wanted different things out of life and now we are both free to get them. I can help my Dad who is sick right now by calling him often, telling him how much I love him, and saying prayers for his recovery. While times are financially tight, I know it won't be long until some new job opportunity comes my way. I have always been able to get work, so this time around shouldn't be any different. For now, I have extra time to take really good care of myself, including eating well and getting more exercise. That should help with the weight I want to lose. Plenty of my friends are still there for me and ready to hang out, I just need to call them. My life might sometimes feel cloudy, but I can see a few patches of blue sky opening up already." 

Lizzy's thinking had fallen into the habit of viewing the events in her life through a pessimistic lens. Martha Beck does a brilliant job explaining this counterproductive habit in her blog, "Explain this: change your story, change your life". She describes, "...the three key markers of pessimism are: describing the problem as being personal (“I made it happen; these things always happen to me”), permanent (“Things will never get better”), and pervasive (“My whole life is rotten; I’m such a loser”).” If you are interested in discovering your story telling habits, you should read Martha's blog and follow her link to a handy quiz to reveal your explanatory style.

The next time you notice your day is filling up with cloudy skies, remember the three P's and ask yourself if you are adopting a pessimistic frame of mind. Lots of things happen and are not your fault. Even if something feels stressful, wait for a little while and usually things change. And really - if you try, you will notice on the darkest of days, there are always things going right. Why not give them equal attention?

When my sons were growing up they attended an elementary school that broadcasted a message for the kids at the beginning of each school day. At the end of the announcements, the Principal would always say, "... and remember, make it a great day or not. The choice is up to you." Depending on your own perspective, and the story you tell, you actually do have the ability to make it a great day. And now, you know how.

Alain de Botton: A kinder, gentler philosophy of ordinary life

This is my first guest blog post featuring a TED talk superstar. Today I would like to introduce you to the fascinating Alain de Botton. If you want to jump right in and listen to his ideas on success, follow this link.

From his Amazon book page, "Alain is the author of seven non-fiction books that look at the great questions of ordinary life - love, friendship, work, travel, home - in a way that is intellectually rigorous, therapeutic, amusing and always highly readable. His goal is to bring ideas back to where they belong: at the center of our lives."

I invite you to have a look into the world of Alain de Botton. He brings great clarity and hope to our understanding of life as we know it...

Getting good at something.


Trying something new. Getting good at it. Making positive changes that stick around. Just thinking about it sends some people into a very prickly mood. So much so, that millions of self- help books lie abandoned, under beds, collecting dust after the initial optimistic reading drops to an occasional glance, until pessimism returns once again. Thousands join health clubs to improve their health, only to woefully misplace their membership card because of disuse. And in my coaching practice, often clients struggle with their own transformation right when they are yards from their stated goal. Why is it so difficult to become good at something new [especially when you are an adult] and "go the distance" to arrive at lasting/joyous change?

By about age 2, we are all well aware that learning something completely new isn't always a picnic. But in those early years, children have very big motivations to develop competency at walking, talking, eating, playing... because in those younger years the world waits for our inner intrepid explorer to arrive and encourages us to grow. The vast majority of children hear that call and answer. In some ways, our little selves are chubby, pint sized super heroes boldly going the distance no matter how many times they fall down. Between childhood and adulthood, there is a shift in attitude when it comes to developing competency in a new area. That previous sentence is a huge understatement. Perhaps I should have written, "By the time you are around 8 (maybe 6), there is NO WAY you are going to try drawing a horse in front of your friends because you know you suck at drawing and it will look like a blob. You would rather eat peas and throw up."

There are many books written about why, the older we get, the more likely we are to quit before we try. Bookstores and blogs are brimming with theories that explain how ego, vulnerability, peer pressure, scarcity and shame all act to influence our resistance to trying new things or improving our lot in life. While all this juicy pontificating does a very good job at explaining the roadblocks to "daring greatly", I was still curious about the process of acquiring a new skill and how that looks [beyond the commonly misunderstood "bell curve"].

Just this morning, I was lucky to be coached by the fabulous Kathleen Harper at Touch Blue Sky. She reminded me that psychological scholars have created a model that explains the process of becoming good at something new. In this model, the qualities of consciousness and competence are described in rather lofty, academic terms. Stuffy prose, but still, I was excited by the description. And I believed it was information my clients would love.

Because one of my 5-star genius qualities is to visualize ideas in the form of an infographic, I decided to take the model of "getting good at something" and bring it to you "Point Be Style" (liberal rewriting and visualization included)! I think it's way easier to pass through the stages of getting good at something when you know getting to your goal will be hard, then harder, then blissfully easy. That's true for everyone, not just you. And it's true at any age. 

Information like this poster gives you power (and is a balm to the frustrated self...). Print this little poster out and hang it in your work space... and remember. If you keep at it, you too can become a self appointed bad ass. But to get there, you need to make it through a LOT of practice.

I know you can do it. I believe in you. xox

Mindfulness and Life Coaching: One raisin at a time.

One of the very first things I talk about with my clients when we begin our life coaching sessions is how to pay attention to what's really going on in their own lives. This may sound crazy, but living a distracted life and believing our made up stories lies at the core of so many of our problems. Yet often, we are not even aware we are creating much of our own stress. A direct path toward exploring that beautiful state of knowing "what is", is to practice mindful meditation

"In Asian languages, the word for mind and the word for heart are the same. Compassion and kindness towards oneself are intrinsically woven into it. You could think of mindfulness as wise and affectionate attention." Jon Kabat-Zinn 

Perhaps no other person in America has done more to bring mindfulness meditation into the mainstream than Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is founder of the world renowned Stress Reduction Clinic, and has served as a recognized bridge between science and meditation. With Mindfulness for Beginners, he introduces new students to the proven benefits of mindfulness practice, including: stress reduction, alleviation of depression, chronic pain relief, and the discovery of seeing and loving what is. I happily recommend his books and CD's to anyone interested in meditation (including my clients)!

"Mindfulness isn’t about getting your way or meditating so that you can be better at something. My definition of healing is coming to terms with things as they are, so that you can do whatever you can to optimize your potential, whether you are living with chronic pain or having a baby. You can’t control the universe, so mindfulness involves learning to cultivate wisdom and equanimity— not passive resignation—in the face of what Zorba the Greek called the full catastrophe of the human condition." Jon Kabat-Zin "Wherever you go, there you are"

A few years ago I attended a class on mindfulness that shifted my perspective on the world! (no, that's not an exaggeration!) It happened by spending 60 minutes considering one little raisin with all my senses. For ten minutes I looked at that shriveled grape and started to notice every little crevice and contour. I turned the fruit around with my fingers and considered it's size and significance. Was it ugly or beautiful? Did it look the same all around? Had I ever actually taken the time to see a raisin in any detail? Where was it grown? Who else played a part in planting the seed that grew the plant, that bore the fruit I held in my hand? Next, it was time to close my eyes for 10 minutes and simply touch the raisin. I noticed I could experience the surface differently depending on which part of my skin interacted with the fruit. Was it smooth, rough, folded? That depended on how I was touching it. When it came time to listen for 10 minutes to the raisin, I thought, "Of course it is silent. Surely we will skip listening!" But I was wrong. When I rolled the raisin between my fingers close to my ear, the raisin did make a sound. Soft squishy glide with a faint crackle. Also, by trying to hear the raisin, I also could hear every other sound in the room so much more clearly. It was as if my ears found their focus. Such a surprise! Next came smelling. Mmmm. I did love the smell. It took me back to memories of my Mother baking cinnamon raisin buns in her kitchen. Love washed over me as I traveled back to that moment in time. Also, my mouth watered in anticipation of this edible treat. How many times have I barely chewed and swallowed a handful of raisins in my life without even really appreciating them? My impatience and hunger grew over the 10 minutes of smelling. Finally it was time to taste the object of our meditation. At first we were instructed to simply touch the raisin with our lips. I felt so much intense desire to pop the raisin in and get chewing! Next we held the raisin in our mouth without chewing. The flavor burst forward and filled my body with pleasure. It felt like this was the best eating experience I have ever had, because I was completely engaged it the experience. When it was time to chew and swallow my raisin, I enjoyed the full knowing of that little treat with all my senses. The experience was nothing short of incredible. 

Why did that class change my perspective? Because I now know I always have a choice. In any given moment, I can down that little box of raisins in three bites while thinking about something else or doing several things at once and not really experiencing any of them... or I can pay "wise and affectionate attention" to myself and my world, engaging all my senses... and truly experiencing the splendor of what's actually happening. One fantastic raisin at a time.

And so can you.

Announcing YOU 2.0 and 5-star genius!

Oh, this is a very exciting week here at Point Be Coaching! I have successfully launched two new programs to serve my clients in brand new ways!

YOU 2.0 was created as part of a research project I completed this year. I had the pleasure of taking Amy Pearson's "Monetize Your Magic" course, which outlines how a coaching practice can become profitable AND provide impressive client transformation. During the class, we all went through a process of identifying our niche market (for me that is a person wanting to reinvent themselves in a new way) and our own coaching special value add (mine was partly that I had been there, done that several times and, I can help get you the t-shirt!) in a highly specific offering. We were asked to answer some hard questions about why we should offer the program, and who the ideal person is that would benefit from the experience. We then had to link our own past experiences, knowledge and training as a solid baseline for the materials we prepared. The most important aspect of my journey was to understand that it is the transformation a client can expect which is central to explaining the value add that coaching delivers. I absolutely believe that this powerful 7- week program does deliver amazing transformation - and now I am offering it to you!

The result is "YOU 2.0: kick-start the creation of a new you"! It's now incredibly easy to explain to anyone I meet what this program can do to help them recover from a "traumatic event" to begin creating a new, joy filled life. Check out the program details here and contact me for your free 30-minute strategy session. Nearly all of us knows someone who is struggling post divorce, or job loss, or perhaps experiencing empty-nest (to name a few). This program provides key building blocks that very quickly help clients begin to rebuild their lives and feel a whole lot better. Why not tell someone you love (or a friend who is struggling) about YOU 2.0?

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My second new program is called, "5-star genius: how to reveal your unique genius and sell it to the world"! I created a 3-week program to translate your life experiences and stories into a fantastic graphic that articulates your genius to everyone (including you)! Get ready to see what your biggest fans love about you! There is so much to say about this new program, but the most important blog share is that it finally occurred to me that my skills as a graphic designer combined with my skills as a life coach create a very exciting and "genius" ability to visualize someone's special traits. Once you know what they are, there are all kinds of applications that boost your mojo, define your appeal, and increase your success on all sorts of levels! Once you read the testimonials, I think you'll catch the excitement of how great it would be to see what makes you fabulously genius in a way that's yours and yours alone. Dive in and give it a try. I would love to uncover your 5-star genius!


Life coaching works - the coach gets coached

In my coaching session today (yes, of course I get coached too!) I was stuck telling stories of why something wouldn't work, and how I wasn't good enough to get what I wanted. There were tears, there were *absolutely rock solid* reasons justifying why I was right... and there was pain.

In that hour, my coach reached out her hand and guided me with her questions, her ideas, her energy.Together we dissolved the obstacles that were keeping me stuck. One thing she helped me see was that when I struggle with self doubt, I isolate myself. The simple act of speaking to more people in a given day could be a big boost to my general well being and help me to achieve what I want. We came up with a bit of homework to test the idea in real life, and I immediately felt hopeful about resolving my problem.

The powerful healing power of connecting with another human being, and being given the tools to create a joy filled life are just a few of the amazing aspects of being coached. I sit on both sides of the process and can say (hand on heart), "Coaching works!!!"

Once in a while it hits you...

Do not let your fire go out. Do not let the hero inside you give up. The life you desire can be had, it exists, it is real, it is possible. It is yours to create! 

I believe in you > try coaching > pretty soon, you will too.

Believe That it is Possible

My blog entry this evening is a humble nod to great thinkers that have written their truths in days past. This week, instead of telling a story of my life experiences and how they relate to coaching, I am posting my favorite quotes on a mindset I have been thinking about as it relates to supporting profound transformation…



The start to a better world, or a better life, or a better future begins with our belief that it is possible. No matter what kind of challenge lies before you, “if somebody believes in you, and you believe in your dream, it can happen.” Tiffany Rowe

Believe in fresh starts and new beginnings. “The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started.” Norman Cousins

Believe that opportunity is everywhere and all around you. “People will try to tell you that all the great opportunities have been snapped up. In reality, the world changes every second, blowing new opportunities in all directions, including yours.” Ken Hakuta

Believe you are here for a reason. “Believe in something big. Your life is worth a noble motive.” Walter Anderson

Believe that nothing is too good to be true. “Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” Jim Rohn

Believe there is always a way. “When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.” Thomas Edison

Believe you are far bigger than anything that can happen to you. “In your life’s journey, there will be excitement and fulfillment, boredom and routine, and even the occasional train wreck… But when you have picked a dream that is bigger than you personally, that truly reflects the ideals that you cherish, and that can positively affect others, then you will always have another reason for carrying on.” Pamela Melroy

Believe in the miracle of the second chance. “The life you have led doesn’t need to be the only life you have.” Anna Quindlen

And my all time favorite…

Believe that together we are better. “What I do, you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful. “Mother Teresa

[Excerpts from the book, “Believe” by Dan Zadra & Kobi Yamada]